Hello beautiful people!

Reflections on Palm Springs Visit October 2024/ A FIELD NOTES STORY 

Jim Fielding

Nov 4, 2024

I just departed from one of my favorite airports in the world, Palm Springs International, en route home to Atlanta. I love everything about that space… the setting, the design, the open air pavilions, and the people watching.  It is also just simple and easy to navigate and the staff are always very friendly and kind. 

As I reflect on my visit, the first one since 2019, I am overwhelmed with sensations of catharsis, wonder, joy, and transformation.

Why was this my first visit in 5 years?

Let me tell you a story of love, loss, fear, and friendship. A story about the importance of a place in my life journey. 

I moved to Los Angeles in 2001 and first visited Palm Springs in 2002. I soon came to realize and appreciate  the allure of the desert. Less than 3 hours away, amazing natural scenery, and a strong feeling of spirituality and honor. I also learned about the indigenous natives of the area and the importance of the current day Tribal System and leadership of the Agua Caliente Band of Cahuilla Indians.   Palm Springs  was also a LGBTQ+ mecca, and I felt safe, seen, and in a community there. I felt history.  I felt rested. I used to joke that my blood pressure dropped 20 points when I saw the Morongo Casino on Highway 10 as I approached my exit. I started to spend more time there every year, particularly in the “season” from October to April, when the Coachella Valley came alive with charity events, sporting events, music festivals, and “snowbirds’ from around the world. 

I bought my first weekend house in Palm Springs in 2006 with my partner at the time.   I loved the space, a charming 1960s mid-century with a pretty yard and pool and impressive mature native trees, including cactus, ocotillo, and mesquite trees. We had many happy weekends and holidays there with friends and family and we became established in the “weekender” community. We attended charity events, hiked, biked, walked the dogs, and relaxed. It was tranquil and reinvigorating and felt wonderful - until it wasn’t. 

You see, that relationship fell apart for a variety of reasons, and as part of the separation, we agreed to sell that home in 2010. It was a painful, complicated, and combative process and I felt I needed some time away from the desert to heal. Palm Springs is a small town, and I felt like a failure. I did not like the idea of being a recently separated single man either. It just felt too exposed. I was vulnerable and I needed to repair my self-esteem. It was the first time I actively stayed away from the desert.  

Post that split, my ex actually bought a house and relocated full-time to the desert.   It was another wedge in my love affair with the area. It had been such an acrimonious split, I lived in fear of running into him and I actively avoided that confrontation. It was as if he had taken Palm Springs from me, that I had lost it in the break-up. I know that sounds strange, but I struggled with finding the magic of the place I had so dearly enjoyed. I stayed away for over one year. 

When I entered a new relationship with the man who would eventually become my husband, we agreed that Palm Springs would be part of our shared story. We were going to write a new narrative, and I was filled with hope and optimism. On a random weekend visit walk, Effie our wire fox terrier, led us to a gorgeous home in Old Las Palmas. It was a neighborhood we loved and an original 1920s Spanish Colonial. It needed everything, and we dove in with both feet, our creative vision, and some wonderful collaborators. After 18 months, we moved into our “dream home” and began to establish ourselves as a couple in Palm Springs. We hosted holidays, birthdays, and school breaks. We were there almost every weekend of the year. 

When the Supreme Court granted the Right to Marry, we decided to make our wedding a weekend destination event in Palm Springs. In April 2015, we hosted a magical weekend for family and friends that incorporated the magic of the area. Another PS memory in my story. It was beginning to feel like Home and I thought that house would be in our lives forever. I thought we would ultimately retire there and live full-time in the desert.   

I felt at ease there. I felt safe. I felt love. 

The story was happy and fulfilling until 2018, when my husband began to struggle with the demons of addiction. He became paranoid and reckless and reclusive. He totaled a car and miraculously survived without a scratch. The fairytale was unraveling in front of my eyes and I was losing control. The story was changing in front of my eyes.  We tried rehab, therapy, prayer, and nothing seemed to work or stick. At the same moment, Disney was completing its acquisition of 20th Century Fox, and I knew I would be out of a job. Essentially my private and my professional lives were both changing dramatically in ways that were not entirely in my control. 

For the second time in my life, it became clear that our relationship was not going to survive the recovery and rehab process. We separated and I agreed to support him unconditionally until he regained his sobriety and found his new path. I realized that meant selling our dream home as part of the settlement. I needed to let go of something special to move forward.

I know how privileged this sounds. Poor Jim, he had to sell his vacation house. This was never about the physical structure. It was about what that space represented to me. It was a manifestation of safety and unconditional love and community, feelings I had been chasing my entire life. Yes, I agree and understand that material possessions and so called “stuff” can all be replaced, but it still hurts to have a dream and vision ripped away so abruptly. Again, the control freak side of my nature was spinning and whirling, and I felt like I needed distance to regain perspective and focus. 

So, I stayed away from the Palm Springs area for 5 years, until the last week of October, 2024. It would be a homecoming of sorts, and friends collaborated to create two wonderful events around the book. I had told them I needed a “reason” to visit, not just a vacation. I was kindly offered a guest house, friends arranged dinners, and I dove into planning for my return. I was nervous, excited, and curious about what my emotions were going to do upon arrival. I landed and retrieved my luggage and rental car and drove into the memories headfirst. I met a dear friend immediately for lunch at the Tropicale, an old fave, to begin the reentry. It was amazing. Then, I headed to my friend’s guest house, which was simply amazing. It was feeling good!  The weather was stunning, the mountains majestic, and the city felt vibrant.   

I had a few setbacks. Driving past the old house was harder than I had imagined.   Passing favorite stores or restaurants could be challenging. Palm Springs, however, was shining, and there was enough new construction and change to stimulate my interest and make it feel fresh. In an ironic twist of fate, I turned on the local news to learn that Nancy Pelosi was in town for a fundraiser. They showed pictures of the event and it was at my old house! That one stung a little, but I quickly rebounded and thought “the house is being used for good causes”.  The dinners with friends, the coffee conversations, and the reconnection felt so good, it gave me strength to weather the moments of melancholy. 

How can you lead with Pride without Ego?? That's the subject of this conversation 👇

I was the inaugural guest for the BQLP Queer Leaders Vision Forums, a quarterly talk series on Simon's Rock campus for invited Queer Leaders.

Take a listen and let me know what you think!!

My name is Christian. I was born and raised in Houston, TX. I am a recent graduate from the University of Houston—Main Campus with a bachelor's degree in women's gender and sexuality studies, focusing on women's health and minority health. I would consider myself optimistic, ebullient, and a go-getter. 

My long-term goals in life are to receive my MBA, work in the fashion industry, be on an executive team & be a leader future generations. Leadership to me is taking accountability, learning from your failures, and checking in with your team. 

Advocacy in the LGBTQ+ community is important to me. Which is why I always seek opportunities to help with volunteer events and projects. I'm very thankful for the individuals that I've connected with in my life. They have inspired me to keep being who I am and to help future generations embrace their identities.  

Follow Christian Cano on LinkedIn

Aaron Stup (he/him/his) is an HR professional and aspiring coach in the Washington, DC area. Aaron and Jim connected recently on LinkedIn after Aaron discovered (and loved) All Pride, No Ego. As a proud gay man, Aaron's authenticity lies in the parallel of queer excellence and professional excellence. 

Outside of work, you can catch Aaron with his fiancee Matthew, their golden retriever Aaliyah, and their sphynx Calix watching the newest Netflix documentary or wedding planning. Additionally, he is a mentor to a local college student, is Co-Founder of Winchester Pride (Virginia), and has been performing in drag as Alexa V. Shontelle for almost 12 years (Instagram: @aaronisalexa).

Aaron is on his never-ending journey of curiosity. "Exposure is the birthplace of possibility" is a quote that captures Aaron's leadership and learning philosophies, which are rooted in curiosity and the bravery to act. The best way to assist Aaron in his journey is to connect on LinkedIn and share your experiences. 

As a coach, Aaron takes a belonging-centered perspective to enhance client awareness. As a result, workplace connection thrives and productivity increases. Although Aaron is not yet available to take on full-time coaching clients, he is always available for thought partnership, exchanging of stories, and potentially part-time 1-2 clients to coach over coffee chats during the finalization of training. 

Follow Aaron on LinkedIn

Follow Aaron on Instagram

Great news from Delaware, James: Sarah McBride just WON her race in Delaware's At Large Congressional seat! She'll be the first out trans person elected to the U.S. Congress!

Sarah is going to do amazing work in the U.S. House. She's spent her career prioritizing trans voices, ensuring that all LGBTQ+ lives are valued and prioritized. She’s fought for healthcare access, worked to bring down health costs, reformed our criminal justice system and so much more. And now, she’s taking her fight to the U.S. House, and we know she’ll be an outstanding advocate for us all.

Sarah McBride becomes the first out transgender person to be elected to Congress.

As I flew away from Palm Springs, I felt satisfied with myself, almost proud in a way. I had conquered a fear and insecurity moment, and reconnected with a pretty magical place. I had grown

Was it perfect?  Not at all!

Will I go back?  Yes!

Will I take Joe (my fiancé) and make new memories? I want to share this special place with him.  I cannot wait for the next visit!

Did I learn something new about myself?  I did!

Now, what fear do I conquer next??